My story and this woman’s story cross paths. They don’t walk together, no. They meet in passing.
In one post Cleo, the blogger, is informed that she didn’t get a job because the wife of her would-be employer was uncomfortable with the situation. Cleo handles it well but I was laser focused on the wife and her husband. The wife immediately expressed her concern about her husband working with a sexy, outgoing vibrant woman (my words not hers, but I’m guessing I’m close) AND the husband took it in consideration and chose not to hire Cleo. Ok, this sucks for Cleo but what a win for the employer and his wife, at least from my point of view. She had the balls I didn’t to immediately express her discomfort and her husband did not hire the perceived threat. That wife won’t be Googling “uncomfortable with husband’s female coworker” and stumbling onto my site like so many others have. Oh, if I had the chance to do it all over again would you even be reading this blog post right now? Would my husband have acted like the employer and backed down from reeling Andrea into his office and in turn saved me a boatload of anxiety? Oh the possibilities!
But instead I’m here on post #110+ (10 months later) still working to stifle (or maybe destroy) my insecurities.
I am the woman Cleo meets and cries for in this excerpt (below) from another post. I’m not the actual woman she meets but I am that woman:
I’m crying for everyone who is fearing the worst.
She didn’t know what to say, but her eyes spoke for her. She was afraid of something that hadn’t happened, wasn’t going to happen…unless she fed her fear enough to give it the power to create her worst fear – losing her husband. She was acting as if it had already happened. She also knew that there was no rational explanation for her fear, but there existed many scenarios in her life that could tip bad. Just as they could tip good. The human mind’s tendency to want zero in on the pitfalls, going where it feels it’s needed, feeds the fear, turning the pitfalls into guaranteed outcomes. Because she didn’t speak up, it festered. It left her short-tempered with her husband, creating space between them. She wasn’t seeing the beauty of the life they were creating but how terribly wrecked her life would be if she lost it all, lost her husband.
Thoughts become things.
I wanted to tell her to let go of the fear, to not feed it. Because if fed it will never leave, like a stray cat. Fear paralyzes, like the sting from a Tarantula hawk, a small wasp that can take down a large, furry arachnid with one bite. Fear is vapor until we give it a sheet to wear. Then it becomes a ghost, haunting us from the inside, convincing us it’s bigger than we are are, when it is simply still vapor under a bed sheet. Fear unravels the connections in our brain, rewiring us to see doom where others see challenges to work through, opportunities to achieve and looks forward to reveling in the successes that are sure to be had.
So I’ve never met this blogger (I don’t think) but she knows me and my issues and has offered advice that resounds with me. It confirms the new path I’ve already begun toward my outlook on my marriage and The Friendship Situation.
I think I need to donate money to WordPress for helping me connect with so many people who have helped me directly and indirectly through this challenging time.
I declare the next 10 months of my marriage will be soo much better than the last 10!